This Christmas is more quiet compared to other years, considering the fact that my grandfather is hospitalised. So that equals to no presents. Doesn't matter. Morning, Me and my brother started pwning the AI in WWIII. But afternoon is pwnage time! My mother brother and I visited my Grandfather at SGH. The bus trip there is pure ownage. At Orchard area, as there the Christmas celebration, most roads there are closed and the bus need to take an alternative route. At one junction, another bus driver of the same bus number turned but the bus i was on missed the turn, lol. After asking another bus driver, the bus driver turned the bus 135 degrees not using that turn to the left to go the right route. Most pwnage part??? 15minutes later we are back at the same junction!!!!!! xD That bus driver go wrong way and my bus driver blindly follow him...
At SGH, my bro and i needed drinks so I went to buy. Took 30 minutes just to buy 2 drinks. Why??? Firstly vending machine gg-ed. Secondly my mother ddn't tell me no more 7-11, make me search for it until i called her 20 miutes later.....
Had a nice dinner at Cafe Cartel, the pork ribs were MASSIVE OWNAGE!!!!!! Very shuang eating them. I bet with my father that he can't finish his food cuz he had his lunch quite late and if he did, I'll pay for all of us. He did finish his meal and best part??? I didn't bring money, LOL. He paid for us first b4 I paid him back at home.
Waiting for post-Xmas sales....

Yours truly updated at 12:05 AM

I don't know whether I feel better or worse after I poured out my emo thoughts yesterday night/ early morning. Nevertheless, it eased off a bit of burden in my brain and heart.
Actually, I'm thinking whether rejecting the offer for comp team is really right. I mean, like goddamnit, there is one person short of forming two teams and there is like no other suitable candidate with the attitude (yes it is meant for you, donut a.k.a bernard) or criterias (mind the sp.) set by the ncos and by rejecting them it's like, dropping a vaccum bomb + missle strike from space on helpless soldiers waiting for evac, extremely immoral. But actually, i'm interested, but as tempting the offer seems, I can't take it. Firstly, (this is not revenge of sorts), I'm not initially selected, which means I lack what those who were chosen have, and I still believe I do. Next, I CMI (cannot make it), esp. at practical. Theory is important, but in competition, practical is what that is truly important. Just see my FA practical, you can just puke at it. Lastly, it is myself. I get nervous too easily, I'm also not confident in myself, this post simply proves this point. Most important though, even if I hate to admit it, is due to the fact that I'm a coward. I'm scared of screwing up, which could lead to the team's demise. I'm don't dare take in another defeat. I'm scared of getting screwed by my seniors. I don't want to be the bane of the team... Until I can get over this, I can't force myself to join as much I want to.

Yours truly updated at 11:07 PM

I usually won't post so late at night, but i knew i needed to post this to pour out all my feelings in my heart.
This following post is very emo and full of profanities which I wouldn't hold back at all, I'm just gonna pour them out like no tommorrow. If you don't want to read, seriously, please get out now.


Seriously, I feel that my life is just a motherfucking retarded joke played by fate who takes joy at my misery. ANYTHING I do or decide always make one party freaking pissed, known or unbeknowst to me. Call me satanic, but I don't believe there is such thing as god. Even there is, it is prejudiced towards me so much till I believe heaven and hell are one and the same. I always feel the death god calling for me to make that final step, doing whatever it takes to make it happen. Nothing EVER goes my way, any goals I want, swept away when it is just within my grasp. When I make a decision, there bound to be someone who will shun my decision. Why, goddamnit, can't i make a damn decision which no one will give a freaking mfking damn about it at all, can't I make a choice which will make me not guilt-ridden a single bit; can't I live my own life with no obstruction at all?! I fucking doubt so... there is always something in me which prevents me to follow my heart and mind decision... I'll be frank, if not for this sole thing which I scorn at my whole life in my heart and mind, I would had suicided 5 times already. I mean it. I always feel so inferior to my peers no matter what I strive for, maybe that's why I exist, a test by fate to see whether I would survive such inferiorism or give in to it and die. Well, satan, be fucking happy, I'm nearly at your damn bullshitting doorstep.

I'm seriously wondering why I'm born into this family of mine. I can't feel anything for them, not even a single affection. I don't know what's keeping us together. Money? Us the children? Or some unknown reason? Though we are together, I feel that we are miles away, which our feelings are like ice blocks, so cold and hostile to one another.............or maybe it is me who is not loving my family. Maybe I'm taking my family like granted........maybe i see my family as broken, especially after today's events... which i will not explain...

I don't think anyone know that sometimes, I cry myself to sleep. I keep thinking maybe my non-existance may make this world a better place. I keep thinking how should I commit suicide. I keep thinking how inferior i am to others. I always feel that I'm a nobody in this world, and the world wouldn't change even without me...

I'm so confused, frustrated and emotionally hurt now... I'm crying as I'm typing these words. I feel that I'm walking in a maze where's there is no escape or exit. I seriously hope there would be a guardian angel that would save me from this... but I know this is pure nonsense. No one cares, no ones gives a bloody damn about me, cuz i'm a nobody in this world, only an extra...

Song to share: Guardian Angel by the Red Jump Suit Apparatus

Yours truly updated at 12:18 AM

Well, at 12.46pm, while I was at the computer, the song Viva la Vida (which is my ringtone) rang, I received the call. What i didn't know was that I was asked the opportunity to join the comp team. I couldn't decide should I join or not. However, 7 hours later I turned down this chance I long wanted. There are many reasons why I turned it down. Academics were my secondary reason, cuz I swore I'll get 1.5 and below for next year's msg. The real reason is that I don't think I'm up for it at all. Granted, my footdrill is at best acceptable, my theory also around there, but I totally srcewed for FA practical and TOC, cuz I simply don't have the common sense nor the physical endurance for it. Like for example, I take damn long to tie a friggin' knot... Unless it is very despo, I will NOT join comp team as much as I want to... Also my mind is still in a whirl, I believe mindset is also quite important as well.
On a side note, I played zombie mode on cs, damn funny, the zombies chiong like retards which won't die at all. Love it when they mob.
Going for kgoh's bbq tmr ( bowling was cancelled as lk just returned around a hour before this post and he needed to unpack, but then danmug called said tmr got bbq at kgoh's house). Darn it, can't finish Mother Russia off in EndWar solo campaign...
Song to share: Thunder by Boys Like Girls, cuz that person's voice is still like a thunder in my heart and mind.

Yours truly updated at 9:37 PM

I decided to do some personal errands today. Went to collect hospital transport allowance of $15 ( come on, scam lah, spent like more than $15 during those five days) from HQ. Went to find SAFRA tampines later. It feels odd stepping out of the mrt at simei, felt a sense of deja vu that time, as if I was doing hospital duty that day... Nevertheless, after having lunch at Eastpoint, I hiked my way there, from there to tampines mrt and then back to simei. Still I don't know why I felt I sentimental feeling for simei... as if I call that place home... wierd... that's how I describe it.

Song to share: Lovebug by the Jonas Brothers, nice slow-to-fast love song which is quite catchy. And no, they don't suck at all. Wait, maybe a bit...

Yours truly updated at 8:09 PM

Man it is freezing here!!!!!!! Hate it when Singapore is so cold, cannot tahan lah.... stupid rain!!!!!!
This post is damn bo liao, cuz I have nothing to do these coming 3 weeks. Good thing Liang kun coming back from hokkaido, man I think he will be dissappointed for not making into cse...
Will be going bowling this friday ( I hope ) with him and xq ( play combat arms use hacks noob lah, cse next year some more!!!) at SAFRA tampines.
Just one question, does hq open in public holidays?????
One last thing, hate it I can't post pics of hospital duty, cuz quoted by arturo's blog we cannot post " anything that may be potentially harmful to our school (quote Dr Hon) " sian lar....

Song to share: About A Girl by The Academy is..., cuz it is the current song on radio. Somehow I see the Nokia music store scamming me of $20 again.......xD

Yours truly updated at 11:43 AM

After some self-reflection, I realised only I can get over it and continue. Like all setbacks, only the person sheer will will overcome his obstacles in time. I will not forget that person forever this life, that's one thing for certain.

Song to share: I miss you by Blink 182, one of the oldest song i can remember, go figure why i recommend this song.

Yours truly updated at 5:48 PM

...I can't forget you? Everytime I try to forget, my heart aches. I just wish to see you one last time, no matter what it takes. Who is this "you", I hope you know.......

Song to share: Forever by Chris Brown, a dance song with love in it and the current song playing on radio at time of post. Can't forget it like this person....

Yours truly updated at 1:56 PM

You should have noticed the change in blogskin tell me whether it is nice, or else i will change it.

Yours truly updated at 11:31 PM

Today was this crap, a complete waste of time. When we first arrived at NHHS, i was "oh my, nan hua so big", didn't know it was that big. It was complete footdrill all day. Lunch, despite being $2, at least it is better than the food in NCOC (except the soup, epic rocks, MSG FTW!!!!) Lucky afternoon rained and NH hall renovating, no more FD and early dismissal. Went to clementi mac for extra food before heading to HQ to collect hospital allowance, but at there they say weekend must collect by 1 and weekday by 5, wasted 85 cents on the trip. Also sgt chee shauan told me need to go for award rehearsal earlier. I was " omg, how could i forget!!!!!!!!" I clearly forgotten i was in this year's zone comp, damnit next week must come back.......

I will give a list of the best songs i've heard this year somewhere near the end of the month.

Song recommended: The Man Who Can't Be Moved by The Script, cuz it is truly a sensational song and very applicable for this event. ( cannot fidget mah )

Yours truly updated at 10:46 PM

After a long cbb time to post entries, i've wrote this post to talk about hospital duty. If i have only one word to summarise this five days, it is: sian.

Hospital duty is at CGH (walao eh, of all hospitals must be so far....), me, luky and sgt ky did hospital duty there. We met with zoie from zone 2, ccss (just nearby) first day we were like erm........ (fill in with a word you like), but wearing uniform doing this is worse than stoning during POP. But as the days went by, we chatted with each other all the time about music, eg jonas brothers, which bands suxs (LP rules, ftw!!!!!), school rules, like socks, ponning cca, ear piercing etc., north south east west (wth????). We went against the rules at times, eg when the hell was our break 1 hour????? Still nothing can own the sleeping bhudda lee yi ren, read his record book abt duties done during his morning shift, you will laugh like this: lololololololololololololollololollolololol. damn funny. luky kept using the alcohol at least 10 times a session. I also remembered luky's powerleveling + pokemon battle victory song during break time playing his hp game. I kept saying the titanic cheer when someone said it was sad (damn BNCOC). Oh yeah, standing near the female toilet -_-"

Nevertheless, it is still a good experience. Talked to some of the patients of all background, learnt how the hospital work etc. Plus the lucarative 25 CIP hours, w00t!

My song to share this post: Crush by David Archuleta, loved this song, want this song and totally soothing to me. When will I find my first crush (if i ever), time will tell. Till then, I will wait patiently like how the nurses take care of the most obnoxious patient.

Yours truly updated at 10:51 PM